More Set Backs

I am not sure where to begin other than simply stating I am slightly angry. For the last six months I have been deep in thesis work up to my eyeballs. I knew these last months were going to be the toughest and I was literally told to put my other life passions (life) on hold. I knew all the chaos and hysteria associated with being a graduate student would not last forever so I buckled down, and proceeded to get to business. The sooner I finished, the sooner I would be free. I locked myself in my room with only journal articles, Microsoft Word, and my research results. It was a physical and emotional, long, dark, lonely, road to say the very least. I only appeared about three times a day to get food from the kitchen and maybe once more to go look at the tomato plants outside in the garden. Brianne left in early May and I was left to finish completely on my own. At that point I began loosing all concept of time and date. Seeing people and engaging in any kind of conversation was difficult due to my isolation. I began dreaming about my thesis too. The graphs and tables were always translucent shimmering pages that floated around my room and the worst part of all, none of the results were consistent! Then I would hear my advisor say in a deep slow tone (kind of like Darth Vader), "Adam..., what do these results mean to you?" It was awful. Meeting deadlines like that can not be good for your health.

Finally it was over. I finished my thesis. But my joy and relief was short lived because in exactly two weeks time, I would need to defend it. This was the finial of all finals. Anyone can do the work and write a paper but you also need to show that you know your shit too. In those last two weeks I studies my statistical print outs, journal articles, and potential responses to questions I would likely hear as if my life depended on it (which it kind of did). It all came down to this. My defense. I either pass, or don't. But ironically, throughout all those butterflies and mayhem the tiny little fire, as small as it was by then, was still burning for triathlons. Then, finally, after two years and catastrophic emotional trauma, I passed, I was free!

That very first weekend I did the Ruidoso Sprint Triathlon and had more fun than I ever remembered having in a triathlon. Although I still enjoy preforming well and kicking butt, my love for the sport now greatly outweighs my desire to be the next hot shot super star. It doesn't matter anymore to me. I just love to get out there with other motivated driven people and have a good time.

After the race I swam and ran a couple of times and rode a whole four days in a row. I felt fitness immediately flowing back into my muscles and I was getting seriously stoked for my new rediscovered life. Then, on the fifth bike ride something horrible happened. I got off the bike and my bum was burning as if a chile pepper went down the wrong tube. Nothing was relieving the pain and it was getting worse and worse. At the end of the day I was just about ready to go into the emergency room. I couldn't take it any longer. It turns out I have hemorrhoids. How the hell do I have hemorrhoids?! I am only 25 years old? Don't only old people get hemorrhoids? From what I gathered, sitting for long periods of time, a poor diet along with lots of coffee is the perfect remedy to fire up them hemorrhoids. Just what the life of a graduate student consists of.

So that's the story. I don't know what to do now. Riding the bike is just too painful, running is too risky (at the moment) but swimming is okay so long as I limit my leg movement. Hopefully things start looking up. At least I am done with school now. Its funny, I have all the time in the world finally but here I am, back on the old lap top typing away.